Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Randomize
