why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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