He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
high people should be assigned attendants
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
