yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Randomize
