just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
