ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
so let's talk penis.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
