So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
