Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
