no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
