I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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