Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
