I just threw up on my dentist
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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