he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
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I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
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I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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