The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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