She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
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His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
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This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
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