Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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