You really coming over, don't trick.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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