apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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