woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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