have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
