mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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