LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
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