Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
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I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
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I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
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