his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
