By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
