I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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