am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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