she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I just want nice things and good sex
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
