We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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