So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Randomize
