I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
