she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
