We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
