I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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