so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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