there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
