Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
