the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
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I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
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Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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