Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
