i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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