i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
