I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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