He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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