Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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