Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
