it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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