ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
