Need sex. Gaining weight.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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