thus making me awesome and them whores
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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