Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
