The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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