either way he was missing a nipple.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
