Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
