my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Can I color on your dick again?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
