the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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