if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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