I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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