Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Drunk is a universal language darling
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
