Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Is it penis luge time yet?
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Randomize
