T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
