He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
