somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize