dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
