Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
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